Cut and paste this verbage skeleton into the comments section and tell your Halloween Tale. The Chows will judge them at midnight tonight, announce the winner and award a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of your choice. Let's hear your story!
It was a dark and ____ ____ [adjective for Northwest weather] Halloween night.
At home in ____ [The 'Kan EWA neighborhood], ____ [name of person in room] was listening to ____ [overhyped indie band], drinking ____ [cheap hooch], debating whether to wear ____ [hideous early ’90s clothing fad] and go as ____ [Saved by the Bell character] or a rumpled ____ [article of clothing] and ____ [comfort shoe brand] to go as ____ [local prominent real estate developer]. Suddenly, he/she heard a ____ [spooky noise] in the basement.
With visions of ____ [low-budget slasher movie] and ____ [early-career Jack Nicholson character] in mind, ____ [same person in room] grabbed the ____ [overpriced but brilliantly marketed cell phone/PDA model] and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, he/she yelled “____!” [gangsta rap lyric] and punched the air like ____ [aging action hero]. Startled, ____ [name of other person in the room] screamed and dropped his/her ____ [unspeakable and unusual prop].
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a ____ [salacious adjective] Halloween.
The End.
~h/t Daily Candy
JBelle
Bellemaison
The 'Kan EWA
7 comments:
It was a dark and gonad chilling Halloween night.
At home in felony flats, my imaginary friend Andy was listening to Skank Skunk Jesus Chain, drinking something homemade that involved Pine Sol, Windex, and Vanilla flavoring, debating whether to wear fifteen swatches, thirty seven black rubberized bracelets and go as someone named "Scooter" or a rumpled pair if parachute pants and nurses shoes to go as Julia Sells Homes. Suddenly, he heard a fart in the basement.
With visions of The Fat Bastard from Austin Powers and Nelson Eddy in mind, my imaginary friend Andy grabbed the iWannaUselessPhone and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, he yelled “yo!” and punched the air like William Shatner. Startled, A Small Norwegian Dragon named Erol screamed and dropped his Sybian EX 3000. Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a John Holmes inspired Halloween.
It was a dark and stupefyingly dull Halloween night.
At home in the land of the Green Monster, Joe Torree was listening to Steinbrenner Don't Know Squat, drinking Girlie Man Beer, debating whether to wear Red Socks and go as a Chow or a rumpled Tom Brady Jersey and Earth Shoes to go as Sharon Culbreth. Suddenly, he heard a Brrrraaaappppp!! in the basement.
With visions of The Bronx is Burning and Brian Cashman in mind, Joe Toree grabbed the Frozen Head of Ted Williams phone and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, he yelled “da Humps, da Humps, da Lovely Lady Humps” and punched the air like Bill Buckner. Startled, Popee screamed and dropped his bat.
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a mutter f'in Halloween.
It was a dark and MOSS-COVERED Halloween night.
At home in A TREE IN MANITO PARK, DR. AMAZING GRACE, PH.D. was FIGHTING OFF RABID SQUIRRELS, listening to BEACH BOYS 8-TRACK TAPES, drinking ANNIE GREENSPRINGS, debating whether to wear THE REMAINS OF SOME OF THE AFOREMENTIONED SQUIRRELS and go as MOTHER NATURE, NOT AMUSED or a rumpled CAFTAN and FLIP FLOPS to go as A NAMELESS DRAG QUEEN. Suddenly, she heard a DEEP-THROATED GROWL at the base of the tree.
With visions of Anthony Hopkins and Cujo [giving a shameless nod to the judges of this literary competition] in mind, DR. AMAZING grabbed A LOOSE BRANCH, HER iPHONE, AND THE CLOSEST OF THE AFOREMENTIONED SQUIRRELS and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, she yelled “yo, furball!”, DELIVERED A WIND-UP AND FASTBALL SQUIRREL, and punched the air like STALLONE. Startled, THE GROWLING FURBALL screamed and dropped his [sexually deviant AND WHOLLY INADEQUATE prop].
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a SECKSHUALLY MARGINAL Halloween.
This is such a great idea! Hilarious! I posted over at HBO too, but here's a copy for your page. :)
It was a dark and slushy Halloween night.
At home on Huckleberries Online Ziggles was listening to Fergie, drinking homemade moonshine, debating whether to wear a flannel shirt with the sleeves torn off and go as Slater or a rumpled pair of Dockers and Rockports to go as Marshall Chesrown (Black Rock).
Suddenly, he/she heard a howl in the basement.
With visions of Brittney Spears and Lindsey Lohan in mind, Ziggles grabbed the IPhone3000 and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, he/she yelled “Check out my ICE bee-otch!” and punched the air like Captain America.
Startled, Spencer screamed and dropped his keyboard.
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a hot and sticky Halloween.
It was a dark ridiculously windy Halloween night. At home in BelleMaison, Angela was listening to Death Cab for Cutie, drinking Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, debating whether to wear leggings and No-Doz and go as Jessie Spano or a rumpled safari hat and Merrill’s to go as Bob Tomlinson. Suddenly, she heard wailing in the basement.
With visions of Friday the 13th and Randal McMurphy in mind, Angela grabbed the GooglePhone and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, she yelled “WHODAT BE!” and punched the air like Chuck Norris. Startled, Benjamin screamed and dropped his Guitar Hero guitar.
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a typical Halloween.
It was a dark and misty Halloween night.
At home in some tucked away swanky South Hill gated community, Jon was listening to Dave Matthew's Band, drinking something rendered in the Elbow Room, debating whether to wear his Kurt Cobain Flannel bests and go as Screetch or a rumpled pair of 501s and vans to go as The Duane (Hagadone, that is). Suddenly, he heard the voice of Hillary Clinton in the basement.
With visions of Celine Dion's Concert DVD and Jack Torrance in mind, Jon grabbed the LG Chocolate and went to investigate.
Peering into the darkness, he yelled “Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?!” and punched the air like Sean Connery. Startled, Alex Rodriguez screamed and dropped his book "Judas Like Me" written by Benedict Arnold.
Clearly, both thought to themselves, this was going to be a overpaid/underperforming Halloween.
Hilarious!
No offense to the fabulous others but my vote would go for ole Jack Torrance in the corner with the ax.
Yo.
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