Sunday, October 05, 2008

I myself am embarking on a new quest. You remember when I finished the Portland Marathon and when I rode my bike from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi, Viet Nam. I cannot tell you exactly why I decided to marathon in Oregon and bike in a third world country, but I did; I did decide to do these things and I did do these things and consider each of these experiences highlights of my life. I am not athletic; not coordinated; not experienced; not a typical contender. But I love it nevertheless; and somehow I am compelled to do it. No telling why that is.

This time my quest will take me from Coast to Coast. I will walk the width of England, though the north of England. Starting in St. Bee's at the Irish Sea, down through the Lake District; across the Yorkshire Dales, on over the Yorkshire Moors and then drop into the North Sea at Robin Hood's Bay. Two hundred miles on foot. The route will be panoramic, spectacular, daunting and unforgettable. I will be doing the equivalent of a half-marathon every day for two weeks. Why am I doing this? The best answer I can come up with is this: because I can.

This time the quest will be quite different than before. I will have a partner. He will train with me and will walk with me. In the rain, through the holidays, in and out of busy times at work, over birthdays, anniversaries and funerals. Weaving the preparation for making my goal in and out of the everydays of life will find me with my buddy, my partner, my new co-conspirator. That will be quite different. He has never been to the UK.

He is athletic, accomplished and the age of my children. He is talky, sexy, quite good-looking; pretty much everything that I am not. He invited himself; in a startling moment that left me flat-footed, he penciled himself in on my quest. Why would he do this?

Turns out that like me, he is high-challenge. Like me, he is quintessentially curious. Like me, he works everyday at getting better. Like me, he's just trying to understand. Like me, he doesn't often meet people like himself.

Sam tells me that I am tough, (rugged?) and competitive. That is odd to me because I do not see myself in those terms at all. Rather I see myself as a good listener; a cream puff; a bookworm; a person you can rely on when you really need to. But I do admit that my children, who are all superb, accomplished athletes, get their mental game from me and the determination to win from me.

So there it is, I guess. I just wonder how old you have to be before the self-discovery in your life is over? Self-awareness is so overrated in my playbook. I'm only trying to get better.

The 'Kan EWA


~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ said...

So there it is, I guess. I just wonder how old you have to be before the self-discovery in your life is over? Self-awareness is so overrated in my playbook. I'm only trying to get better.

Hmmmm. There you go, making me cry because you said something that pin-pointed a little inexpressible place in my spirit.

Self-discovery feels infinite. Self-awareness feels ... selfish and confining and insecure (just my first hand responses to the terms, mind you).

Junior said two nights ago: "Its just that you have your hands full all the time. You don't need my whining baby stuff".

This was in response to my asking why he was not talking to me about some work related stuff that was bothering him.

I was crushed.

I could not make him understand that his perception of what I do and my perception of what I do are so very different.

I. am. not. burdened.

I am in a state of self discovery.

Were I self aware... I would not be where I am. Exactly. where. I. belong.

M'belle <3... you amaze me. You really do. More than that, you warm me from the inside out.

I thank God for you.
And God smiles.


The Fool said...

Awesome. I tip my hat to you.

JBelle said...

Love. Love. Love!

Being around self-awareness feels like being around self-absorption. I would much rather have dinner with someone in discovery, on a journey, than someone who is absorbed in the inputs of their life. Somehow they seem stationary. Stuck in an expressive state that revolves around the facets of their life. We had dinner with some friends on Saturday night who absolutely have not changed in the 10 years we have been friends. They talk each, at length, about their kids (her), aging parents (her), their politics (him), their preferences on travel (both), how busy they are (ditto). They have been relaying the fruits of their self-awareness, their self-absorption all these years, with no evolution or enlightenment. What is very cute, I say that genuinely, is that they never want to know about our kids (who went through school togther), our parents, our politics, our travel experiences or what keeps us busy. They do not care; it doesn't dawn on them to inquire because they are so self-absorbed. But really? They can't tell you a damn thing about themselves. Or each other. There's no discovery; no inquiry-- even of themselves. Mostly of themselves. Discovery matters. So much! And I'm just to find more, every day.

JBelle said...

Pixie: I have learned more from you than I have from people with whom I share a gene pool. I thank God for YOU.

JBelle said...

hello there Homer,

Well, I'll keep you updated. Planning on doing a Wednesday update on the training and the progress I make. I'm gonna need help on this one. That's a discovery I made this weekend so I'm reaching out. Don't usually do that but if I am going to get get better, I gotta.

I tip my hat to you! Picking up and moving to Homer? You've got courage; I hope I can do that when the time comes....

MarmiteToasty said...

I might just have to drive up and sit on the roadside and smile as you walk by....

I have so much to say, but I cant, not yet......

Fanks for being YOU!!!!


JBelle said...

Fanks for being you, too...:)

You BETTER start talking. soon. ;)

MarmiteToasty said...

I usually talk to much when I shouldnt, and go within myself and become quiet when I should talk LOL.....

Its been a crazy old year......time for change, a drastic change....