Monday, May 10, 2010

October 31, 2000-May 11, 2010
Requiescat In Pace

It's a beautiful morning here in Bellemaison. The sun shines through the newly green leaves of the bushes and trees making the garden look like an emerald paradise of hanging cups and saucers dripping in all hues of green and sparkle, brilliant in freshness and new growth. The birds sing deliriously, happy to an extent that only birds can be, and all the things that live here scurry and scamper about, glad that the cold, dark days of winter are far over and that food and life is abundant one more.

So we wait, Sylvie Ruth, Cleo, Red Dorothy and I, for P33t to get his call. He's been called to go live with Santa and we are sitting with him until his time comes. We do not know why and how it was P33t who got poisoned but we know, absolutely, that the acute pain that life sometimes deals out is too, too hard. Too hard. The Chows are taking this somewhat better than me--they are completely settled that P33t will be with Uncle Bob but I cannot reconcile myself to P33t's suffering and bewilderment as this deadly toxin has settled into him, gripping his kidneys and liver, refusing to give up even in the face of the best veterinary science has to offer. I can't reconcile this surprise visit from fate or The Gods or whoever pulled P33t's card up and put it on their desktop.

The Chows have lived in the gardens of Bellemaison their entire life so they know that life and death are completely predictable in the course of any season, even in spring. They live each day to the fullest and fall asleep exhausted each evening with no regrets. That's why The Chows will all get to go live with Santa and Uncle Bob. Their hearts are pure and unfettered with seductive pursuits and obsessions. They have a close circle of best friends that they honor and value without exception, unconditionally. Mr. Erickson, who throws milk bones over his tall hedge for them. Auntie Robbie who they invite for sleepovers when everyone else here is on the road. Cliffie, who comes on Friday and Saturday to play with them as he works in the garden and who is Their Very Best Friend. The mailman, who they've never seen, is their friend and so are the two meter readers. Although they like to bark riotously at the mailman and the meter reader, it's only just for fun. Everyone knows their role in Bellemaison. The Chows close the books on their life each and every evening and so start the day fresh, with their values keenly focused and their intents genuine. The Chows have no other aim than to be fully present in every moment for those and that whom they love. That's why they will go straight to Santa's side when the time comes. As Eugene O'Neil said, dogs do not have a narrow, jealous spirit.

I, on the other hand, can't get to the end of the tears. Just can't seem to find the end. Syvie comes and sits by my hip as I write, lifting hopeful eyes into my face, imploring me to be strong. That hurts even worse. She now guards P33t as he sleeps deeply and peacefully and then comes back to my side, laying down and stretching out fully with a big sigh. You're never quite have enought of you to be there for everyone you love.

The 'Kan EWA


inlandempiregirl said...

My heart is breaking. Not only do you and your family grieve, but the other dogs have their own process. Cry, cry, cry, then cry some more. Hold on to all that is dear to you. I think finally time does heal, but we are have a different timetable. I am praying for you.

MarmiteToasty said...

Tears so many tears are falling as I sit and read this..... tears for you my dear friend and tears for the saddness of it all.....

I wish I was there to just hold you tight..... know you are in my thoughts... oh deary sad, so sorry.....

I love you (((JBelle)))


Dogwalk said...

I cannot get my head around the idea that someone could poison an animal. As difficult as it was watching my Bacchus fade away, I can't imagine what thoughts are going through your head. I am just so terribly, terribly sorry.

Jeff said...

Jbelle... how horrible. I feel for you...we went through this last year when Buddy was poisened by (we think) a neighbor... thank God, or vet was able to save him, but it was close... My heart goes out to you.


MarmiteToasty said...

(((((((((JBelle))))))))))) words can not say how I feel dear friend.... just know you are so loved..


inlandempiregirl said...


SylphSong said...

My God, My Belle. My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces. I cannot hurt enough for you. I am so, so sorry.

<3 <3 <3

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