Monday, March 30, 2009

New moon in ten days. I feel a certain urgency to post again; I am making progress, aren't I?, despite my lack of posts?

There are so many stories I think about, that consume me and fill my heart in the waning of the last full moon. Went to a young client's wedding last summer--now, less than a year later, they may lose their house because they are three payments behind. My dear, dear friend is walking through lymphoma and the associated chemo/radiation with her lifelong best friend and sister. My special old friend is going to wrap up her 22 year marriage: domestic violence and lack of progress in court-ordered treatment. And of course, every one's holdings and earnings slashed in 2009. A new world order in less than six months! I look into the moon from my bedroom window, faint yet fierce, as it's slipped away from its late winter opaline fullness to only a tiny pale slit in the spring sky and think about my people. And their stories. And the stories of other people hungry, homeless, sick, addicted, disenfranchised and separated. Where is the hope in the new world order?

I find hope in the beautiful young bride who has yet to utter one word of frustration in regard to her husband who can't seem to make a go of his sales job; she just went out and got a second job. She now works days, nights, weekdays and weekends at two jobs and is confidant she can get the payments current by June, if the bank will hang on.

I find hope in my brave, stalwart friend who flies to the Bay Area nearly every weekend after work, to be with her sister. Her own son, the nephew, made the remark that it must be quite a spendy commitment, four plane tickets a month. My Hero, the big sister, snorted I don't care WHAT it costs. I don't care if my life's savings are reduced to nothing. Whatever happens, it will be worth it. I would never not be there. Her son looks away.

I find hope in my sweet, sweet faithful loyal friend who has undergone black eyes, facial rug burns, bruises, bruises, bruises, BRUISES, lies, betrayal and treachery. She had hoped that the flaming, festered prick she's married to would respond to therapy mandated by the court system and that somehow they could save their marriage. If not for them, maybe for their four children. Although it's not to be, she has been hopeful and faithful that Love Could Conquer All. She hung in there for an exhaustive run until she was positive her marriage had flat-lined. Only just now, despite the domestic violence that has been a mainstay in her life, has she called it. She touches my heart, and holds it, with her quivering perseverance and now, her truthful resignation and resolve. She's never been a big jewelry/vacation/car/clothes girl; but she was very big on the institution of marriage and she stayed faithful just beyond the bitter end. And has lost the one thing in her life beside her children that she valued. She inspires me deeply.

Inspires me to fight harder, to let myself feel deeper, not to remain resigned, to suit up for another inning and play hard. I don't know what curve is coming in my own life but I do know that if I can keep my people and their stories close, when my time comes, I can climb up inside them, lay my head on their hearts and rest.

Stay brave, my beloveds. Stay brave.

The 'Kan EWA


Carla said...

There's inspiration everywhere, isn't there? Despite how bleak the outlook sometimes is, there's always someone there with a smile willing to brave it out and that's what makes the rest of us continue forth.

MarmiteToasty said...

Tears as I take myself off to bed..... know you are loved (((JBelle))))...

lets see what tomorrow brings..


inlandempiregirl said...

I keep encountering brave souls as we trudge through this unsettling time. Your examples have filled my heart with hope this quiet evening. The only hard part about being away from school this week is hoping my students are safe and warm and have had enough to eat. sigh.

The Fool said...

Welcome back, and Happy Fools Day! ;)

PinkAcorn said...

I have to say your post saddened my heart. There seems to be only gloom on the news and that makes it harder to see the good that surrounds us.