Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Had a trauma recently that I'm only up to talking about just now. It all started with that guy who's in my office quite often and enjoys my art collection by...walking around and touching everything. True story. He loves to touch and touch he does, the assemblage, the acrylic, the paper, the ceramic, the water color, the textile, all of it. He touches.

As he is a valued source of revenue for this office, I maintain my composure no matter how I want to snap his grubby mitts as they probe, finger and caress my muses, my wellsprings of inspiration and devotion that aid me in communing with the numbers. I love this guy. I hate his hands.

So. I say to myself, JBelle, old girl, he's gotta touch. Since you're definitely out of bounds, put something else out. What can he touch that would give him pleasure and satisfy his need to tactilely explore and express himself? Cretan that he is.

Having had the collection affliction from a very young age, there is a wide variety of distraction possibilities around the office, a big assortment of things to touch that won't suffer wear and will provide diversion from the other touching possibilities. And dang, if the exact right touchable thing didn't present itself immediately: the quarter collection. Yes, the 50 State Quarters Collection, began in 1999.

I love the quarters. I love 'em! And clean and polished to a high sheen, they are quite satisfying to roll around in the palm of your hand and to chink and to clutch. I love the quarters. I have them on my back desk in a ceramic dish, an early work of one of our premier artists fashioned in his pre-school art class. This particular ceramic dish could create a nicely serious head injury if used acccordingly and because it's heavy, I keep it on my desk and play with the quarters when I talk on the phone. The Chows say they go online every morning to count and play with their money and to make sure someone hasn't stolen their identity. But I digress.

I digress. Maybe because what happened next is too horrible to contemplate.

The 'Kan EWA


curtcon said...

Aner Clute

Over and over they used to ask me,
While buying the wine or the beer,
In Peoria first, and later in Chicago,
Denver, Frisco, New York, wherever I lived,
How I happened to lead the life,
And what was the start of it.
Well, I told them a silk dress,
And a promise of marriage from a rich man—

(It was Lucius Atherton).

But that was not really it at all.
Suppose a boy steals an apple
From the tray at the grocery store,
And they all begin to call him a thief,
The editor, minister, judge, and all the people—

"A thief," "a thief," "a thief,"
wherever he goes.

And he can’t get work, and he can’t get bread
Without stealing it, why the boy will steal.
It’s the way the people regard the theft of the apple
That makes the boy what he is.

Edgar Lee Masters

jb3ll3 said...


curtcon said...

awwww hell, I had an inside track on that one:-)...All will be well.

jb3ll3 said...

damn Irish. Know everything without knowing it. mystical. magic. leprechauns. gold. shit.


the psycho therapist said...

"Unfortunately, my parents loathed each other and the life they had built together. Because I was the product of their genetic fusion, well, it's not surprising I liked to boil my change on the stove and then shine it with metal polish."

---from the anxiety-ridden author, Augusten Burroughs, in his biography, "Running with Scissors"

Schmeebsie, my precious achieving One...I am guessing there will be a lot more quarter shining when Shorty begins his travels.

/looking under the sink for her polishing rag
C'mere, let me help you with that.

jb3ll3 said...

do you KNOW that he boiled his change? or do you think that's literary license? I mean, does that work? boiling it? because I'll boil it, if it makes it prettier.

MarmiteToasty said...

Vinegar, thats what ya need, you have to soak them in vinegar and they will shine like stars in the night...


jb3ll3 said...

vinegar! M, I think you're the definitive authority, being the pounds sterling person and all....xoxo

Anonymous said...

Is that Indian chief a chainsaw carving?

jb3ll3 said...

who wants to know?


Anonymous said...

Let me just say this, getting banned from HBO takes a little getting used to.

jb3ll3 said...

omg! Notes From The 'Kan EWA is now political asylum for HBO? The Chows are really gonna be delighted. This might make their whole summer.

Chief Joseph Debit/Credit was hand carved by an artist out of Jackson Hole Wyoming.

MarmiteToasty said...

Jackson must sure of had a large hole if an artist was carving out of it........... :) x

ok, to rude right?

jb3ll3 said...

It was a huge hole, Mel. HUGE. Whenever you are ready, I'll take you right down there.

MarmiteToasty said...

ok. I could be so very rude right now but I so wont LOL


Julie said...

Actually, vinegar works quite well, but the water left over from boiling potatoes works quite well too.

jb3ll3 said...

I got 'em soaking in vinegar as we speak. V: :P

Side Note said...

Is it best to boil the vinegar?

jb3ll3 said...

I dunno. They got a good soak going on now. but if they don't shine like the stars by 4 am this morning, I am going to boil 'em.

Just decided.

btw, I am finally getting around to putting away the stuff I bought at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. Would one of agree to otherwise distract me next year? jmj!

MarmiteToasty said...

Did you know that if you soak conkers in vinegar over night it well hardens them, so that way ya can beat all the other soft-arsed conkers...... I had me a 6er once, this Autumn Im gonna thrash me lads at conkers and claim the conker cup :)

ps.. I know thats off thread BUT it was the vinegar that threw another door to me mind open lol xx

jb3ll3 said...

Nothing off thread here , Mel. This conker information is quite timely as me lad is coming home soon. I think he's in for a thrashing of his own.

curtcon said...

one of the old time methods of putting a high shine on coins was to wet em and coat them with cigar/cigarette ash...Then rub them between your fingers..

Regular Crest toothpaste (mild mild abrasives in there) works under the same principle...

auto pre wax compounding paste does the trick too. rub it in for a minute or two, then clean em off...


jb3ll3 said...

what about good old silver polish?

soak 'em in tarn-x jewelry cleaner first, then follow up with silver polish.

vinegared them overnight to no avail. they were only mildly responsive.

is the rumor true??? are you going to the Ritz in Boston soon? if so, I will stalk you in an effort to crash and buy the drinks.

curtcon said...

hmmm...no further plans in the near future for another Boston jaunt...BUT, any ol' time you wanna do a Boston bar crawl, let me know.

Been in the Ritz bar...so so. I like the Copley Plaza Oak Bar and my favorite restaurant is just on the other end of the Square behind the library...Cafe Budapest...hmmmmm, mebbe dinner n drinks??

jb3ll3 said...

You see I think the Ritz in Boston is for the Puritans. Really. All Protestants in there. And with no escape hatch available via confession, they are dull and righteous. All is pants with golden retrievers embroidered all over them, too. The men wear pink and the women wear blue. yeccch.

the psycho therapist said...

Will you just LOOK at how rumors get started. Hmph.

"Where do the phenomenological buddhists drink in Boston?", she asked, knowing this was a set-up for the perfect punchline.

curtcon said...

A Buddhist walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a one saying, "That'll be $3.50."
The Buddhist hands him a ten and waits. And waits.
After a while, the Buddhist asks: "Hey, where's my change?"
The bartender replies: "Change must come from within."

jb3ll3 said...

He's here all weekend ladies and gentlemen; be sure to tip your waitress!!

(laughing out loud!) (still)

(wait! the Chows are all out there snickering, too! can you hear them?)

Word Tosser said...

If you want to shine the pennies (this from the peasant, me) use lemon juice and salt. Sure did it for the copper bottom pots my mother had, and who made me clean them in my slaverly times of her kitchen, when I was sink high.