On an aiport run last week, we went over to Cambridge to have lunch at one of my all-time favorites, Bartley's Hamburgers. Located it Harvard Square, it's a classic college joint with seriously great bar food. Sweet potato fries, onion rings and truly great hamburgers. It's your joint, Yankee style though, and it plays out like this: Male Adult Customer next to us: Where is your bathroom? Waitress, avoiding eye contact, walking past: We don't have any. MAC, undaunted, on the next walk-by: What should I do with my three children? She, still making no eye contact, and in serious contemplation of her pen: Public bathroom. MAC, half rising , furiously pursuing eye contact, WHERE ARE THE PUBLIC BATHROOMS? She, shrugging, walking off: Two blocks down.

The walls are littered with truly great bumperstickers, posters and memorabilia and the whole place is a sensual bombardment of the most comforting nature. I see a poster of a New England Patriot throwing the football and from the angle of my seat, I can't tell if it's Drew Bledsoe or Tom Brady. I say to the waitstaff, hey, is that Drew Bledsoe? He says to the other waitstaff, scurrying by, Who the hell is Drew Bledsoe?

I say see? there it is. If you had gone to a good school like Stanford, you'd know exactly who Drew Bledsoe is. He moves in, becomes personal, conspiratorial and says, You know, I really gave Stanford a good look. (big, kind smile) But ultimately, I settled for a junior college about an hour north of there, because it was a better school. He stands back, folds his arms, still smiling and waits for that remark to settle in before executing his final lob:

(sigh) But in the end, I just couldn't handle California, so that's why I"m at Harvard.

Hard to say what's better, the menu or the burgers. Here are a few excerpts of the menu:

THE TED KENNEDY a plump, liberal amount of burger...
THE JOHN KERREY he voted this best burger before he voted against it
THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CAMBRIDGE topped with cole slaw and russian dresing
THE GEORGE BUSH JR not bad for a C student
THE LARRY SUMMERS the Harvard women can eat this too
THE BILL CLINTON the new heart loves Hilliary
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER you'll be back
THE AL FRANKEN they all lie
THE VIAGRA riiise to the occasion


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