Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Now about this holiday crap! Thanks to Bre and to Pup for bringing the definitive retort to the whole lame suggestion about deleting the mention of Christmas in favor of holiday. From the opening monologue of SNL last weekend:
Harry Connick, Jr: I tell you this is my favorite place to be at Christmas time.
Al Roker: Uh, you mean "Holiday Time" don't you, Harry?
HCJ: Oops! That's right...Merry Holiday everybody! (waves to camera)You know some people enjoy Christmas songs, Hannukah songs, or even Kwanzaa songs; but everyone can enjoy Holiday songs!
AR: So, in the spirit of diversity and fear, please welcome the NBC Peacock singers for an all-inclusive medley for everyone!
(Cut to NBC Peacock singers, as the words "Silent Night" flash on the screen)...singing...
"Silent Night, Regular Night
All is Calm, All is Bright.
Round the fire, mother and child,
Random Infant, religiously neutral.
Sleep in Comfortable Beds,
Sleep in Comfortable Beds.
(new tune sung to Away in the Manger)
Away in a Barnbox,
No bib for their lunch,
The donkey and camelon straw they will munch.
The stars in the sky shine down cause it's night.
The lamb and that donkeyjust got in a fight.
(new tune sung to Oh, Holy Night; Harry Connick, Jr. and Megan Mullaly join the Peacock Singers)
MM: Oh Tuesday Night,
The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night to watch TV and play Cards.
HCJ: Fall on your knees,
and do a Jigsaw puzzle.
Just stay in side,
Tonight...It's half past nine.
MM: Just stay inside, Feelin' Fine.
And now to narrate the story of the birth of the holiday, please welcome Mr. Donald Trump...
(cut to Donald Trump, flashing dual peace signs in front of the Rockefeller Center Chris, er Holiday Tree and Ice Skating Rink)
Donald Trump: Thank you Will and Grace. This place is really snazzed up. I gotta say, of the non-Trump buildings in New York, this place has a whole lotta flash, and it really screams out Merry Christmas...(looks off-camera) What? I can't say Christmas? Who made that rule? Well, what about Cha-noo-kah-hah? I can't say that? What about Kwan-zoo? That's just great...Alright, let's crank this thing out.
And there were shepards keeping watch over their flocks by night; then a civil representative of the town came up to them and said "Here's the thing: a baby has been born to a lady of undetermined ethnicity and/or religious affiliation. You will find he or she is wrapped in clothes looking really classy and lying in a barnbox...(looks off-camera again) What the hell is a barn-box? (looks back at the camera) You know what? The End.
Fah-lah fah-lah fah-lah, Fah-la la la THE APPRENTICE.
(cut back to the NBC Peacock Singers, and Al Roker, Megan Mullaly, and Harry Connick, Jr. standing in front of them waving)
All: Happy Holidays Everyone!...singing...(singing tune of "Hallelujah!")
How Ya Doin'!
How Ya Doin'!
How Ya Doin'! How Ya' Doin'!
I'm Doin' Just Fine!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT's SATURDAY NIGHT!
The 'Kan EWa